Monday, August 22, 2011

What Not to Say to a Grieving Parent: Preface

See, it's always the weird stuff that gives me insomnia. Tonight it was thinking about how to, or if I should, acknowledge Garrett somewhere in this year's Christmas card.

Since I am up, I might as well start my new blog series that I am calling Things You Shouldn't Say to a Grieving Parent. I'm calling this entry the preface because I feel like I need to explain:

We have talked to other parents who have lost babies and they have had truly terrible stories of things people say. I have to be completely honest...that hasn't been our experience. Almost everyone has been wonderful, thoughtful, insightful, and caring. People have shared their stories, verses, poetry and music and, if I can figure out a way to do it without telling stories that aren't mine to tell, I'd love to tell you about that someday.

All that being said, you know how they say that it takes so many compliments to counteract one put down? That's kind of how this is. These are the things that people have said that kind of haunt me and I feel like writing will exorcise it, in a sense.

This is also an awareness piece. I know I appreciate the people who've gone out on a limb to write articles on what to or not to say to someone grieving a spouse or to someone whose child has a chronic illness. And, really, almost everyone who has said something painful didn't mean it to impact me that way. So, this is kind of an fyi.

The thing is, though, that if you're reading this it means you've found this googling "what to say when a friend loses a child" or you're a close friend of mine. So, none of this actually applies to you. If you think, "was I the person who said that?" You probably aren't. Actually, I'm 99.9% certain you aren't. Because even when close friends say crazy things, they have enough emotional currency for me to be all, "dude, did you seriously just say that?" And I will do it. Lovingly, usually. Sometimes laughing hysterically because we both just realized that what you just said totally came out wrong.

Anyway, to wrap it up, most of these will be OMGFunny, so don't worry. The rest will be OMG O___O because you will not believe some of the crazy stuff people think is okay to say! The first one will be the craziest, so stay tuned!

No comments:

Post a Comment