Sunday, March 4, 2012

When the World is a Little Grey

Picture of at Listal

I think it might be time to start the discussion about why Mike and I are choosing to adopt rather than attempt to have another biological child. I've talked in person with a number of people about it which has been good. I've also spoken to a somewhat disconcerting number of people who seem to think my healthy, exercise-filled lifestyle is what caused Garrett's stillbirth and all I have to do is go on bedrest the whole nine months and everything will magically be okay. That will be a "what not to say" post because there's a way to ask questions without blaming or shaming. I love answering questions which is why I'm even going to talk about it here but, as we've talked about before, there are ways to ask that don't come off as accusatory.

Anyway, one thing people outside our inner circle may not be aware of is that I've always had a number of reproductive system issues so Mike and I have always known we might not have many (if any) biological children--we were surprised when Autumn came along so quickly. I've had ovarian cysts, along with some of the complications they come with, as well as endometriosis and polycystic ovarian syndrome. The latter causes me the most trouble these days. Because of it, I had to do a fertility regimen--both eastern and western--to have Garrett so it's very likely that I'd have to do fertility treatments if we wanted to have another baby. I can't think of a doctor who'd touch me after what happened with Garrett and I'll talk more about that later on.

There's been a lot of discussion lately about birth control. I'm sure you've heard about Rush Limbaugh and his awful words as well as the insurance coverage debates. Although I really dislike discussing anything overly inflammatory, mainly because I just can't with the crazy people who only see in stark black and white, the whole birth control thing resonates with me. Personally, I've always put it on the same level as seat belts and diet and exercise. Yes, God could give me a baby any time He wanted. He could also take me out anytime he wanted via car accident, heart attack, or whatever. But, I choose to mindfully live in the manner I believe God's called me to in terms of bodily stewardship. And, at some point, everyone has to make a choice about what that looks like for them and it's just not going to look the same for everybody all over the world.

One thing I feel like gets lost in this whole debate, is birth control as a medical treatment or necessary preventative. People like Rush Limbaugh only think about promiscuity in regards to birth control or abortion. But, like a blogger I recently began following put it better than I ever could, things aren't always so simple. I'm someone who takes orthocyclen to control the PCOS in addition to family planning. Take a look at the symptoms and complications. I have a couple of the complications already and I am at risk for more because of my family history of cancer of the reproductive organs, high blood pressure, and diabetes. It can be a tough call to make. But when people are freaking out over this, think about me and all the other women who have to make hard choices about their families and their bodies.


  1. Rush Limbaugh's first thought is of illicit sex instead of health or, I dunno, keeping "welfare mamas" from having babies he wouldn't want to help support because he's a pervert. :)

  2. Ha! Yeah, one of the bloggers I read was like, sooooo...basically it's cool to subsidize men having sex with viagra but it's not okay for women to have birth control. Also, is the guy who was addicted to prescription pills *really* going to be our moral standard? Ahhh, shock jocks. So dumb. So good at what they do.

  3. HI, so on the whole birth control thing, I take birth control. I'm a very religious church going living a Christ like life every day of the week, have a Christ centered home. HOWEVER, the Lord put people on this earth to create medicines, etc... birth control isn't on this earth to be forced upon or taken away from anyone. It's our choice. Before I had my son Cooper (i was 19 weeks pregnant with him when he died on july 15th, 2011) I have my daughter Ava. With her they found I have a huge cyst on my brain. I had her premature due to the cyst. Also, I take medications that if i got pregnant could kill the baby and myself. So I was told I'd never be able to have another child, got the symptoms under control with the medicines and we got a small window. I tapered off the medications before trying. I came off birth control, got pregnant right away. We lost him. Not due to the cyst. But, I had to go back on birth control right away b/c i can't take my cyst medications and "accidentally" get pregnant. I think for me birth control is a neccesary thing. We are still debating on trying again or just being happy with Ava. Good luck to you. I know you will make the right choice for you and your family. We are all different (whhich is a good thing). We can all sit back and judge, but it's up to you, b/c only you know what you can and can't handle, etc...

  4. Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. I am sorry about your loss. Cooper passed away just over a month after Garrett.

    I am very much on the same page with you on medicine and God-given creativity. I am glad that you are taking care of yourself and wish you the best in the decision on whether or not to have any more biological children. It's so hard and people who villainize the tools we use to protect ourselves and our families just have no idea.

  5. I also take birth control to control PCOS. I met you several years ago through Frank and at GBC. I am very sorry to hear about your sweet baby boy. I have struggled with weight, thyroid, and fertility issues as well. I have two fertility babies. I would love to talk with you! I also have a blog where I journal our happenings!

  6. Oh, wow! That really was several years ago. How did you find our blog? Thank you for linking your blog--I thought your post about your son's cleft palate was beautiful. We've made the decision to be open to special needs (according to the adoption definition of "special needs" our oldest autumn would have been in that category for being premature, low birth weight, and feeding issues) such as cleft palates so your post was really encouraging! Definitely email me anytime. My address is sharaze at gmail dot com.