Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Adventures in Adoption Interviewing

I had my individual interview with the adoption agency today (Mike's is tomorrow) and hoooo, boy, what a time. So I came home (after teaching aikido and going to cycling, yay) and watched my go-to happy place video: lovely owl. Enjoy! Bet you can't watch it just once.

Most of the interview was great. I like our social worker a lot and we, well, ended up talking about enough things that we didn't entirely finish the interview, haha. But we'll get caught up on the other things she needs to ask. Oh, and she also gave me a book on sensory issues that she thought might help us with Autumn who needs a few extra coping mechanisms. I'm looking forward to getting into it but first I need to finish up the Dear Birthmother book I'm working my way through as part of the adoption requirements.

And speaking of the birthmother book, that's what kind of made today tough. At the offices, I watched a video on transracial adoption that was really good. I told Mike that although I don't have the adoption angle, he'll recognize some of the things I've said about being biracial and how odd or even painful it can be. Then I watched a short series of birthmother interviews about the decision process behind choosing adoption and what it's like to let your baby go. When they started talking about sitting in the wheelchair after giving birth and feeling terrible because your arms are empty and there should be a baby? I just lost it. Man. I know that feeling.

After they released me from the hospital, I didn't really think about it when the attendant first rolled me to the door. I was just ready to go home, hold Autumn, and prepare myself for Garrett's funeral which was going to be the next day. But when Mike went to get the car, the fact that I was exactly where I was after Autumn was born but I didn't have a baby in my arms hit me and I cried so hard. I noticed Mike running to the car that day and when he picked me up he said it was because he realized as he walked out the door how bad it'd be for me to wait. Mike's a good guy. And we're doing the right thing with the open adoption, I think. I told the pregnancy counselor, who I happened to meet after my interview, that I'm glad we aren't taking someone's baby away forever. I can't see Garrett until Heaven. But, if the birth parents want, they don't have to give up their baby until Heaven, too.

After the videos, I got to go over the various and sundry details of my childhood, my dad who was an addict or dry addict all my life, and the various criminal elements I'm related to. That was fun. You know it's rough when the SOCIAL WORKER asks, only half-jokingly, "now, remind me of what the good things were?" Blahhhh. It's fine because I've really processed all of it and I'm pretty open about my life because I think it does people good to know that you aren't doomed by your environment. But, it was still pretty emotionally draining.

Hopefully Mike's interview tomorrow will go smoothly. He is, at least, warned about the birthparent video which he said he's glad for. After his interview, I think all we have left is to finish up our books and classes, get our profile book together, and wait on the home visit. Craziness!

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