Sunday, January 27, 2013

Hanging by a Thread

20 minutes before the call.

I don't want to grow anymore. I don't want to be tested anymore. I just want...something. I want Grant Jaden. I want Garrett. I want to use this nursery we have set up twice. I want a lot of things.

Today we got another call. Grant Jaden's birth mother has named a birth father. The truth is always best but it means we can't take Grant Jaden home tomorrow whereas had we known from the beginning, this time could have been used to track him down. I don't know what happens next. I know some details about the situation and they are not ideal. The birth father is not someone who is fit to raise an infant but he must be found and notified of Grant Jaden's birth. Bethany is meeting tonight to decide what's going to happen. K still wants us to parent Grant Jaden. So that's good. In the meantime, we wait.

Pray for wisdom all around. That Mike and I can live with whatever God's will is. That the birth father will allow us to parent Grant Jaden. Please pray for Autumn. She is sorely disappointed. We all are. I am...I am having a hard time. I know I'll be fine. But right now I just want to go to bed and stay there forever.

Update: I heard from Bethany just now. They will start looking for the birth father tomorrow. Whether or not we take Grant Jaden home depends on the birth father. Disappointing, but better than 3 months from now. I'm trying to hang in there. Helpful verses from friends:
Psalm 94: 18-19
When I said, “My foot is slipping,” 
 your unfailing love, Lord, supported me. 
When anxiety was great within me,
    your consolation brought me joy.

Psalm 5:22
Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken.

Thank you for your messages and prayers. They keep us together.

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