Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Day 2 of what feels like the longest week ever...

Since I am at my most creative when I'm down, I am, of course, working on a new project. These yarn things are always so much more time consuming than I anticipate.

Anyway, we heard from Bethany and we are meeting with them at 5pm tomorrow to discuss our options. Also, I believe I have mentioned before that it will be some time before the birth father will be able to care for Grant. If J wants to parent, he has to come up with some kind of parenting plan. He first wanted his mother to care for Grant but she said no. He's now planning to ask his aunt. Bethany is doing discovery on the aunt. If she also refuses or is not fit to parent, then we have a pretty good chance of bringing Grant home. If she is fit to parent, then I don't know. We will very likely let him go to his aunt without a fight unless Bethany has something really game changing to tell us tomorrow. It's heart breaking. :( But, I still pray that J changes his mind or the aunt doesn't work out because I already love Grant and's hard to be fair and chalk up J's poor life choices to just poor life choices. Because almost everyone we've told the circumstances to (we're being deliberately vague to the online world) is appalled that we might not get Grant. But, there you go. The measures put in place to protect good men also protect the bad. It happens sometimes.

Our family could certainly use some good news. Mike's mom called Mike today and was so upset about Grant plus on top of everything else? Lindsay's sweet, adorable cat suddenly died Sunday after Mike's birthday dinner. They didn't tell us until today because they didn't want us getting more bad news. This is wearing on all of us. Lindsay said it well--we could use some joy right now. We told Autumn. She was sad and talking a lot about death and Garrett and MJ, Lainey's cat that died 2 weeks ago. I mean, really, I'm starting to wonder what mummy we accidentally unearthed. Autumn and I read in her Storybook Bible about Heaven and she felt better.

I've been running across scripture that speaks to me the last couple days. I was going to write about the psalm I read this morning but I'll save that. I waiver between hope, hating myself for hoping, wondering how my faith will survive, and wondering how I'd survive without faith. But here's what the first paragraph said in the story about Heaven:

John was one of Jesus' helpers. He was old now and living on an island with might sound nice except it was a prison. (The Leaders put him there to stop him from talking about Jesus, but I'm sure you don't think a little thing like being in a cell, in a prison, on an island, in the middle of an ocean, could stop God's Plan, do you?)

One of the least helpful things people tell us (usually people who don't know us well and usually in a condescending tone of voice because how dare we feel anything but joy at every moment) has to do with "God has a Plan." I mean, duh. If anyone knows that there's a plan, wouldn't you think it'd be me and Mike? I know God has a plan. I know we don't always get it. But I don't have to love going through it. And I don't have to pretend I don't feel despair because I don't get it. I figure God can handle that. But, for some reason, that part about God's Plan there cheered me up a bit.


  1. I totally understand what you mean when you say you know God has a plan, but it doesn't help for people to say that. I remember when Mom was sick people would say, "God is in control." My reply - "I know He is in control, but right now I don't like the way He is running this show." Guess what - He knew I didn't like it and He didn't expect me to like it. Your faith is amazing. Not because you go through life feeling joy and loving God's plan, but because you hurt, get angry, have doubts, and somehow you manage to hang in there. AND you don't try to fake it. You are real and honest about it all. That is inspiring and what true faith is. We love you guys so much and are praying for you through all of this.

    1. Mrs. Renee, thank you sooo much. I seriously might print this comment out and keep it in my purse or something.