Sunday, March 31, 2013

He is Risen



Jesus said, "I am the Savior and the Rescuer of the world" And they knew, because he couldn't stay dead, because Jesus had come alive again, that somehow, everything would be all right.
~The Jesus Storybook Bible

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Heart of Memphis



Heads up on a great event happening this weekend here in Memphis! Check out the Heart of Memphis at Tiger Lane, this Saturday 10am to 5pm. If you aren't local, please pray for this event and for our city--the same day as the Heart of Memphis, the KKK will rally downtown. If you are local, please, please come and support diversity and support the goodness in our city.

When our pastor Bryan Loritts mentioned the event on Sunday, I loved how he put it. If you click on the word Sunday, you can hear what he says yourself and it's right at the beginning but here's a bit of it. Excuse my transcribing--I didn't get all of it because he talks some about his kids, and it's great stuff, but I really wanted to highlight what he says about Memphis and the KKK:

They are no one to be feared. They call themselves a movement; they are not a movement. Here's what I hate about it. What I hate is how the world views Memphis. It's like the world took a photograph of Memphis dated April 4, 1968 [the assassination of Dr. King] and they won't let us live past it. I'm not worried about the KKK. We're trying to say we changed; we are not that. The mayor's office has decided, at the same time at Tiger Lane, to put together an event designed to say we are not that over there, we are this over here. New narrative, new chapter, new story being written. They think that what we are doing as a church is instrumental to the new narrative God is writing in this city. This is an opportunity to be on the solution side of things.

The work that our church is doing, I believe, is simply (well, not so simply) existing. We are one of the few multi-racial, multi-ethnic congregations in Memphis. It's one reason we attend Fellowship. I will never forget the something a pastor of the church that we went to when we were first married said to me. He said that you can't mix races unless the economic situation is the same. And you can't mix people of different economics unless the race is the same. And, maybe this isn't important to some people, but it is to me. Because first of all, if that's not possible, Mike and I should be miserable. I'm from a poor, asian background. He's from a privileged white background. And second, most importantly, if Jesus can't bridge the gaps between money, culture, and race, then He's not who I thought He was. And it's impossible. Tell me that it isn't your mission. Tell me God hasn't put that particular mission on your heart. But don't tell me that Jesus can't build love and bonds between people who are different.

Let me know if you're going and when. We'd love to see you. Right now I'm not sure what time we'll be there. I was kind of thinking about having lunch there (food trucks, yay!) but Bryan speaks at 3:30 and I'd like to be there for that. So we'll see! Please, I know this weekend is packed with Easter happenings but come, show the world the good in our city! If you aren't local or can't come, please, pray!

www.heartofmemphis.com

Sunday, March 24, 2013

Good Links

I am SO READY for spring.


I have a pinterest board called "Articles for Blogging." Sometimes I really do end up pulling out those articles and writing something to go along with them, but sometimes they just kind of hang out until I click through them to remember what they were! I thought I'd post a few here that seem to fit a theme. They may or may not come up again but at least I can clean up that board a little!

This one is called Letters to My Unborn Children: the Silent Grief of Miscarriage. I feel like I don't see a lot of writing by dads about infant loss--I think that's why Mike's post from Garrett's first birthday week is still one of the most popular posts on this blog. It's fascinating to imagine the blog writer's journey from feeling like that first loss was primarily his wife's loss because she is the one who dealt with the physical side to writing a book of letters. Someday I might read that book but, today, I don't think I can.

I've been a Design Sponge fan for years. Lately they have run a modern etiquette series and they covered bereavement this week. There are a lot of great tips on handling a friend or coworker's loss and I'd check out the comments, too. Some comment sections are cesspools (ahem, youtube), but DS commenters usually have good insight.

I came across this post through another blogger and I cannot remember who it was! It's called Confronting the lie: God won't give you more than you can handle. I know you've heard (read?) me say similar things as this pastor from the uselessness of platitudes to the fact that God can absolutely handle my questions. This section in particular shouts at me and I shout back "amen!":

Don’t hear me saying I am rejoicing because of the last couple of weeks. I am not. Not once have I danced around our house shouting, “Yeah suffering!” Instead, in the midst of pain and hurt, I am actively expecting God to do something. I don’t know what. I don’t know when. But I am expecting the God of resurrection to heal us. I am expecting God to restore us. I am expecting him to redeem this situation. I am expecting him to do this and so I will be actively looking and waiting for him to do something. I believe expectant waiting can only happen when we exchange our feeble platitudes for an authentic faith that engages God with the full brunt of our emotion and pain. Only then can salvation been seen.

But that exchange takes courage.

Friday, March 22, 2013

$5 floor mat wall art!

In the interest of full disclosure, this art project cost me $5 because I had almost all of the materials I needed but I think even with buying everything, this project would be less than $20 or $30! I have wanted something to go over the fireplace for some time now. But, it's just not a high priority for us right now financially. I came across this tutorial on how to use a floor mat to make wall art some time ago and pinned it. We have this old, iron floor mat that someone left here when they moved. It was all rusty and gross but after a good cleaning, it's quite pretty. I actually have some stained planks, too. However, I didn't think I could use them to make the piece because I *really* don't like using a saw and because we do want to redo our front stairs someday and we might need the pieces.

A few weeks after pinning that tutorial, I was wandering around Hobby Lobby and came across some foam board on sale. A lightbulb went off and I picked two pieces up. Check out the finished product!

There's nothing to it. I pretty much just did what the tutorial people did. I cut the foam board to the size of the iron mat with an xacto knife and then sprayed it with primer. Once that dried, I put the mat on top and sprayed it with a rustoleum hammered finish spray I had in the paint closet. We used it when we moved in to paint our bathroom light fixtures. I really liked the look of the rustoleum because it made the faded mat look fabulous and gave the paint a really nice crackling look on the foam board. There was one problem though:

I really didn't like how stark it was. If I do this again, I will get some kind of beige or sandy spray paint to put over the primer. I wasn't about to start over but all was not lost. I still had some distress ink from Mike's map project. Using the same stamp and smear, I covered the entire thing in the distress ink. Much, much better.

But, even with the starkness taken care of, this is really wide mantel and there just wasn't enough width. Again, I didn't want to have to cut and prime anymore so I threw the newly painted mat up there. I love it. Mike and my mom had some doubts when they saw the first "draft" of this but we all really like it now that it's finished for real this time.

The only thing I might do is figure out how to matte the finish. At this angle, the canned lights reflect more than I like. I did some research and I might have some ideas. If I ever actually do it, I'll let you know what I choose.

As a side note, a friend of mine commented on the sleep fighting post with this video (this was on facebook). Ha!


{Submitted to Skip to My Lou's Made by you Monday!}

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Sleep...fighting?

Early Monday morning we had some crazy weather. There was this HUGE clap of thunder about 4am that literally had me up and flailing about like I was about to fight someone, that's how loud and startling it was!


It reminded me of this one time a few years ago, back when we coslept with Autumn. Mike and I went the attachment parenting route with Autumn, not so much because we have an ideology or anything about it but because it's what we had to do to not go crazy! That child lived in a moby wrap. As soon as she was bigger than, say, a football, we put her in bed with us because we desperately needed to sleep. The world didn't end and it wasn't anything magical but we got some sleep!


Eventually, she got too kicky in her sleep and we put her into her converted crib. Now that was magic. She would never sleep in a crib or a playpen but she slept fine in a toddler bed. She doesn't like walls closing in on her? Who knows. Either way, we got so much criticism from people who thought we were too touchy feeling and others who thought we weren't lovey enough that my number 1 piece of advice to new moms was born: do what you have to do to not go insane and, if necessary, lie. Is my baby sleeping all night? YES. Does she keep me up all night? Oh, she's great. Because I don't want your lecture about all the things I am doing wrong. Ha! Of course, I welcome advice from some friends and most family but strangers (including the one who tried to lecture me about hard top sippy cups--I listened to her rant, held up Autumn's cup, flicked the STRAW and walked away) can go away.


Back to the sleeping--our cat used to occasionally walk along our headboard no matter what we did to try to stop her. She doesn't do this with our current bed which has a bookcase headboard that is easily walkable. Cats. One night when Autumn was in bed between us, Molly totally fell down. Claws first. I threw myself over Autumn, and reared out of bed ready to fight. When I realized what was happening I laughed so hard at myself. But it turns out I did a good thing. My tackle ended up shoving Molly off course. I had a scratch on my face and after we woke up, I discovered a hole in the pillow!!

Other than talking and fighting in my sleep, I've never done anything too crazy. Mike hasn't done this in a long time, but he used to to weird things in his sleep. Once, not long after we got married, I woke up to find Mike standing by the bed with his hands waving about in the air.

Me: What are you doing?

Mike: I'm changing Mawmaw's Christmas lights.

Me: You...you're what?

Mike: throws himself back in bed in a huff. I AM CHANGING MAWMAW'S CHRISTMAS LIGHTS.

When I brought it up the next morning, he didn't believe me. And then he was quiet for a moment and says, "you know. Now that I think about it, I seem to remember being really frustrated that it wasn't obvious what I was doing." Ha!

What about you? Do you do crazy things in your sleep? Maybe ninja rolling into the closet? Or punching your wife accidentally? All stories from other friends of ours!

Friday, March 15, 2013

What Not to Say: Aikido Edition

Spring Break Geo-Cache!
I've been a little absent in internet-land because it's spring break and we've been doing family things! But, a friend of mine (who is a researcher at St. Jude) shared an article that I really wanted to share with you. The article is on scientists' discovery of children's cells living in their biological mother's brains. And click here for the actual PloS article.

The link between a mother and child is profound, and new research suggests a physical connection even deeper than anyone thought. The profound psychological and physical bonds shared by the mother and her child begin during gestation when the mother is everything for the developing fetus, supplying warmth and sustenance, while her heartbeat provides a soothing constant rhythm.

The physical connection between mother and fetus is provided by the placenta, an organ, built of cells from both the mother and fetus, which serves as a conduit for the exchange of nutrients, gasses, and wastes. Cells may migrate through the placenta between the mother and the fetus, taking up residence in many organs of the body including the lung, thyroid muscle, liver, heart, kidney and skin. These may have a broad range of impacts, from tissue repair and cancer prevention to sparking immune disorders.

So fascinating! It's also relevant to me right now. To share a little more about the aikido saga, I mentioned that I talked to the person in charge of the school we were formerly associated with. I'm deliberately not mentioning any names because I really do think that this is a difference in values and methods more than anything else. At least on my end. I think that the people who get what they need from that style of training are where they need to be. It just isn't for me. So, I don't want to, I guess, gossip? I would just like to share the situation because it's interesting and there isn't much out there on these kind of conflicts.

Pinkie pins...favorite thing I learned from the School That Will Not Be Named
Anyway, he told me that the black belt test is the hardest f***** thing I will ever do. Which, no. Not on any level. Abusive drug addict dad? Check. Putting myself through college? Check. Traumatic childbirth with Autumn? Check. Burying a child? Check. Almost dying? Check. Black belt test? No. Freaking. Way!

I told him we weren't going to have this conversation because on the scale of my life, this test rates seriously low on the hardness scale. He said, "speaking of that..." and went on to tell me all about how motherhood is keeping me from my goals, that it's a wall I need to overcome. BAHAHAHAHA. I told him that he doesn't get to speak into my life about motherhood because if my choices to be a good parent (not making an hour and a half round trip to train an hour and a half 3 to 4 times a week for 8 months) are keeping me from my goals then, in my opinion, I'm making good choices! Especially since I know I train enough, hard enough, and often enough. Will I need to do a push about a month or two before the test? Yes. But right now, what I need to do is maximize the training I can do in between my teaching schedule and my, yes, family life. And if this group can't meet me in that place, then I need to start looking for one that can.

In his defense he did say that was fair enough, haha. And then promptly ruined it when he informed me that when things go hard or wrong in his life, he gets over it. Which is what I need to do with both Garrett and my injuries. I...what...HUH? One, NOT A DOCTOR. And two? I told him we weren't even going to discuss that part of my life because a child dying is NOT the same kind of hardship that is his community college experience. And he agreed that he shouldn't have gone there. Definitely a What Not to Say to a Grieving Parent!

Being a good parent.
That's what made me connect aikido and this article. I know that it's a hard thing to grasp. However, most people can grasp that a parent losing a child is not something to simply "get over," as if the child is a tooth that's pulled. And that is on many levels. I'm, frankly, shocked that someone with no connection to me outside of Facebook and the training mat would feel comfortable saying something so harsh. If the school's stances on teaching (more on that later) weren't enough to tell me I've made the right choice, then their stance on parenthood is enough.

After thinking about it some, I realized that there is only one parent in the upper ranks. The guy who injured me. And his daughter is a teen who lives with her mother full time. Out of many upper belts and black belts, one parent. I didn't realize it before but that's definitely another sign that things were never going to work out. Sigh. Hindsight!! edit: I just remembered there is another person who is a parent! But, he got his rank elsewhere and is fairly new to this school.

Saturday, March 9, 2013

Relationships, Transformation, Inpiration

I'm hoping that in the next couple of weeks I can bring you all up to date on the aikido situation. A few things are still working themselves out but I can tell you that I have officially cut ties with the school I wrote about. I spoke with the head of the school and it was an odd conversation that started with "you don't train hard enough and that's why you got hurt" and ended with "what happened to you was negligent bordering on criminal." I pointed out, politely, the inconsistency. I tried to make it clear that I don't want to burn bridges, although I don't know if I succeeded. And I also told him that I'm not trying to change his school. The way they train is obviously working for them. But it's not for me. Although we are no longer associated schools, I do hope I can still go to seminars hosted at their location. Maybe not this year but perhaps someday.

There's more to the conversation that I'll write about because I still need to process and it might take more than one post. But a few days ago, I got a call from a potential student. He's been injured and is getting back to health. I'm not sure if he'll end up joining us, but we had a great conversation about training safely but intensely and the difference between self-defense, combat, and martial arts...because they aren't the same thing no matter how many martial arts instructors call their classes self defense classes. If you're ever interested in true self defense, No Nonsense Self Defense is a great place to start. Anyway, when I got off the phone, I told Mike that talking to someone else who has been a martial artist for a long time and who is recovering from an injury, and who called me specifically because of our safety standard was confirmation that I made the right choice. More confirmation because to be honest, the real confirmation is the relief I feel.

I'm sure it's just because I am thinking about this a lot, but I've come across a few things I thought I'd share that go along with all of this. One is an article I came across through someone's link list. I can't remember who. It's called "When Something's Not Okay: Pondering Relationship and Reconciliation." It's a fantastic post and I have covered something similar in the past. I highly recommend reading the full article but here's an except:

You know, the word “forgiveness” gets thrown around a lot in Christian circles. Particularly at women. Particularly at women when they notice injustice and dare to speak up about it (or even, like in my case, just confiding hurt in a friend). Ephesians 4:32 or the Lord’s Prayer is whipped out before anyone can do any critical thinking, and the mantra “forgive one another as Christ has forgiven you” is recited as a tool to silence, to shame, to force those with no power into submission.

This video is downright beautiful. Beautiful. This is what I want to be. I want to be the person who brings inspiration and life and health. Not pain and stress and injuries.


Another kind of beautiful:"We are graduating members of the Class of We Made It." "Our lives will only ever always continue to be a balancing act that has less to do with Pain and more to do with Beauty."

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Defeated: Ottoman Corners, RAR

I finished re-covering my old Target ottomans! I didn't do a slipcover because it looked really...precise. I am truly terrible at cutting in a straight line. There's a reason I never shared the laminated cotton placemats I made. I call them my surrealist placemats! Back to the ottomans, though, you can see the before on the left...they needed the update. But wait, there is mooooore....


Molly has her claws. We didn't have her declawed partly because it seemed kind of sad to do and partly because she isn't much of a scratcher. Except for one thing. Fake leather. She loooooves sinking her claws into fake leather. Sigh.We had these in the playroom because they looked so rough. But we never use them so it was just clutter. I figure on the rare occasion we have a movie night (we tend to be eat and chat entertainers), we can just bring them back upstairs.


Most people who read here know our house is a work in progress! It's three times the size of our very small former house so we've been very, very slowly trying to make it homey and a place people like to come. Fortunately, I can cook! Hahaha. So people come for the food and company rather than the ambiance but maybe someday it'll be for all three. Anyway, I've worked my way through the playroom and the dining room on the cheap. Now I'm on to the living room! I wanted something bright and colorful. Mike assures me that I achieved that goal with this Waverly Solar Flare fabric I got on sale at Joann.


I didn't bother with centering the fabric because I didn't want to make my first upholstery project any harder. So, I just folded the fabric in half, cut it, laid it right side down, and set the ottoman upside down on top after taking the legs off. There are a ton of tutorials out there on how to staple fabric to a cube ottoman. I couldn't find many details about how to do the corners so just in case someone else looked in vain, here you go. At this point, I've stapled everything up to the corners.


I had a lot of fabric at the edges. I have seen people do an envelope fold on the side so it looks like a triangle but I wanted mine to be tucked in.


I pulled the fabric forward...


and I cut a chunk of it off.


I had to do a little trimming to make it smooth, but I took one side of the fabric and tucked it flush against the ottoman (fake) leather and stapled it in place. Then, I folded the other flap, um, against itself? This is why I have photos!


Once the pieces are folded, the will look something like this. The trick here is to make sure that the fold is straight along the corner.


And then staple! I pierced the fabric to make it easier to screw the legs back on. The little screwdriver was my placeholder as I stapled.


After I finished all four corners, I used a bigger screwdriver to make sure the creases were snug.


Voila! I'm sure there was an easier way but wait a few days to tell me, hahaha.


I looks pretty good, though! Even around the legs.


I decided to add a little insurance. I ran a line of hot glue gun down each crease. This is still removable because the glue is on the fabric and not on the ottoman itself.


Also, I made sure that the creases were on the same side. So when you look at it from this angle, you can see the creases. But from the sides, it's smooth like in the first photo.


It took me two nights of watching Monk or Castle episodes to get it done which I consider not too bad for a first attempt that turned out pretty well! I put the ottomans under the window (which, incidentally, overlooks one of our back yard "to do" zones).


I pulled them into the "conversation circle" to see how they look. I like! Of course, the someday dream is to have a couple of chairs and a little reading table BUT that's some ways down the line unless I get around to those estate sales I always say I want to do. Maybe when it's warmer.


Ha, you can see I didn't clean up our ottoman tray or Autumn's little saucer chair. Or Mike's favorite blanket...WE DO IT REAL. Autumn approves of the ottomans. Molly has ignored them since they are no longer leather. Actually...I'm really hoping that she doesn't notice that the big coffee table ottoman thing is also leathery. But it's a soft leathery and she's usually attracted to the harder stuff. Like the trunk in the playroom. T_T


And that's it! My not-really-a-tutorial tutorial on how to do corners on a stapling ottoman recover! I think my next big project will be a painted drop cloth rug. I want a rug. I want it for the look of the room but also to absorb some of the noise. With almost no cloth downstairs and a lot of stone and wood, sound echos and bounces like crazy! I love this rug from Anthropologie but in the size we would need it? That's almost half of what we still need to save for the adoption! I have no illusions that I can paint anything remotely that awesome but maybe I can do something that would tide us over until I can find something reasonable! Anyone have any pattern/color suggestions? With the drop cloth I'm looking at costing less than $10, I'd even be willing to buy a large stencil!

{Submitted to Made by You Monday at Skip to My Lou!}

Monday, March 4, 2013

2013 Fitness Update!

It's been a while since my last fitness picture update, hasn't it? Just over 6 months ago. I really have no good excuses. It started off as simply slower progress which is pretty normal. And then the holidays and Colley Winter Birthday Season brought fancy foods, haha. We eat pretty healthy but over the holidays I definitely had a lot of dessert. After that, I found that I put on a little weight and I was really down about it because I've been working so hard. Once I started thinking clearly, though, I realized that my pants and other clothes fit despite the weight, so it was time to find out what kind of extra pounds I am sporting. I'm glad I did! I still have some goals but I'm not nearly as down as I was just yesterday! By the way, I have the wrong month on the 2012 pictures! They are from August, not September.

Some information: It has been about 18 months since I started taking photos. When I got out of the hospital 21 months ago, I weighed more than 140 pounds and I could only walk short distances and couldn't sit upright for more than 20 minutes. I have had 3 abdominal surgeries in total. Also, I am 4'11" and weighed 105 pounds before I got pregnant with Garrett. I take 2-3 strength and cardio classes at the gym a week and I am usually teaching or taking aikido at least 3 days a week. Lately, I've been doing a mini pilates workout with a medicine ball on the days I don't get a full work out. Because of my hip and some trouble with my abdomen, I've been going somewhat easy the last 2 weeks but I'm getting back to it now.

 
Comparison Between September 21, 2011 and March 4, 2013
Weight
Before: 121 pounds
After: 110 pounds
Difference: 11 pounds (gained 2 pounds since August)

Smallest part of the waist
Before: 29.25"
After: 27.75"
Difference: 1.5"

Waist at the navel
Before: 32"
After: 31"
Difference: 1"

Hips
Before: 37"
After: 34.5"
Difference: 2.5"

Thigh
Before: 21"
After: 20"
Difference: 1"

Bicep
Before: 11.5"
After: 10.5"
Difference: 1"

Home Scale Body Fat %
Before: 28%
After: 19%
Difference: 9%



Comparison between August 15, 2012 and March 4, 2013, Skin Caliper Measurements
Weight
Before: 109
After: 110
Difference: +1

Tricep
Before: 21 mm
After: 20 mm
Difference: 1 mm

Suprailiac
Before: 27 mm
After: 19 mm
Difference: 8mm

Thigh
Before: 26 mm
After: 22 mm
Difference: 4 mm

Total Body Fat %
Before: 28.59
After: 24.58
Difference: 4.01%


I am beyond thrilled. I am still working on some functionality but strength-wise, I am improved even over my pre-pregnancy abilities. I upped my dumbbells in my fitness classes to 10, 12, and 15 pounds. That's pretty huge because even 10 years ago when I did boot camp with Tony, I used 5, 8, and 10 pound weights. It's tough to see because of the chest in the background, but my legs are really filling out in a good way. My pants fit much more smoothly down my hips/quads/hamstrings rather than just being tight in the hips and hanging loosely from there.

As far as goals, I'd like to see my arms and stomach become a little more toned. My arms have always had a tendency to get bigger but not necessarily more muscular looking when I'm working them out a lot. It happened in kali when I started using the big sticks. I'm guessing my stomach will be dead last to get more toned but despite that, I've been eying some two pieces. High waisted ones, but still! The scar in the middle of my stomach is pretty ugly and I'm not ready for that to be on display. I asked Mike what he thought about getting a tattoo over it. :P He said no, of course, and I was only half serious.

I have this continuous, ever-growing blog to-do list, hahaha. Right now I have a project, more information on the aikido situation, and my fitness certification plans coming up in the next week or so! But, I'm glad I got this one out of the way because I needed the encouragement even though getting the photos and measurements together was quite the task!

Saturday, March 2, 2013

Art and Poetry

Oh, wow. I can't believe it's been so many days since I last posted! The week hasn't been too bad. Meeting Ellie went beautifully. She's a sweet thing and I love seeing Lindsay and Kyle with her. And Autumn could hold Ellie all day! So cute. I think one thing that helped is that Lindsay wasn't at Baptist Women's so I didn't have that queasy feeling that I got there even before Garrett passed away. My friend who is due in June is having her baby where Lindsay had Ellie so that will be an easy visit, too!

It's been a weird week because Mike was out of town 7 of the last 10 days. I know a lot of my friends have traveling spouses but Mike's never been much of a traveler so this might be the longest we've been apart except for the time I trained in Atlanta. We missed him a lot! But, we used Google Hangout every day which was pretty fun. And we sent Mike a lot of pictures, including this one of Autumn trying to eat the flurries that fell Friday afternoon and most of today. No accumulation. :(

I've kept pretty busy but probably not doing the things I really need to be doing--like putting away laundry. I recovered one of our ottomans. I will do the other one and then post about it. I'm pleased with how the first one turned out! I hope it wasn't beginner's luck because, seriously, it was so worth all the work. Here's a preview. Autumn likes tools so she hung out with me while I took the legs off the ottoman.

AND! I made my very first book cover! I contacted Ken O'Shaughnessy who did the poetry for our adoption and asked him if he'd let me try my hand and making some covers for him. He agreed! I had a great time learning new techniques and creating an image to go with his title. If you're interested in purchasing the album, by the way, you can click here. There's also a paperback and an ebook. I have, by the way, finally joined Amazon Affiliates so if you click that or any other Amazon links from here on, we get a small commission!

This is the back:
As always, click to embiggen.

I don't think I have posted it yet, but after we found out that Grant Jaden wasn't coming home with us, Ken wrote this poem...

Grant
Kenneth A O'Shaughnessy

O Lord, Thou didst not
Grant unto us our
Petition, O God!
And what have we now?
Arms that are empty,
Hearts that are broken,
Eyes full of weeping.
And what now dost we?
All that we canst do:
We return unto Thee,
The Giver of life,
The Mender of hearts,
The Drier of eyes.
For Thou also hast wept
For arms made empty,
For hearts pierced with swords,
For eyes that see naught
But Thy tear-streaked face.
And so we now ask,
Not that Thou wouldst now
Grant our petition,
But that Thou Thyself
Fill our empty arms
And our broken hearts
And our sightless eyes.
Grant us this, O Lord.

That says it all, doesn't it?