Thursday, June 6, 2013

Two Years

Two years.

It's been two years since our son Garrett was born asleep. Perfect, adorable, and silent.

I am a little more empty than I was last year. It seems like we are in a season of heartache. In this second year, we missed those milestones that Garrett would have achieved. We are estranged from a family member because of choices she made and refuses to own. Friends have left, either by moving or death. We had Grant for a moment and his loss is almost like a death, even though we pray that he is healthy and happy somewhere. And we wait.

It's been two years since I almost died.

I remember seeing the doctor covered in my blood, even as they tried frantically to replace the 8 units I lost. I asked her if all of her days were this horrible and she said no. I remember Mike's face as I faded away. And then two surgeries. Months of rehab. Autumn's terror that I might not come home. Sometimes it feels like a dream and then I move wrong or I do too much one week and I think, oh yeah. I refuse to take anything I can do today for granted because I was so, so close to death or an organ transplant. I don't know what God saved me for when he took Garrett home and left me behind but I hope I am doing it.

Saturday, we will plant another bush in the memory garden. I got a little bunny statue to go there, too. Afterward, we will eat with friends and celebrate life and what will come. If you want to join us, let me know.

We miss you, Garrett. We remember.

From this year:

Kenneth A O'Shaughnessy

O Lord, Thou didst not
Grant unto us our
Petition, O God!
And what have we now?
Arms that are empty,
Hearts that are broken,
Eyes full of weeping.
And what now dost we?
All that we canst do:
We return unto Thee,
The Giver of life,
The Mender of hearts,
The Drier of eyes.
For Thou also hast wept
For arms made empty,
For hearts pierced with swords,
For eyes that see naught
But Thy tear-streaked face.
And so we now ask,
Not that Thou wouldst now
Grant our petition,
But that Thou Thyself
Fill our empty arms
And our broken hearts
And our sightless eyes.
Grant us this, O Lord.

One Year Later, the guest posts:

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