Friday, October 11, 2013

CYG, Day 11: Triggers

BEHOLD THE PORCELANCER. Autumn spent some time last year as a germ killing crime fighter. She wore a CAPE, FOUR HATS, and had a magical star of GERM KILLING. And a toilet brush. My friend Will named her. Matt brought her to life on paper.

Mike and I were talking about how there can be one of, oh, ANY triggers at any time. Less often than before. Usually random. But there is one thing that always vividly brings back pregnancy: the toilet. Ohhhh, the toilet. I had raging morning sickness. Zofran didn't help. No old wives' tales helped. Ginger didn't help. NOTHING HELPED. I got stabby anytime anyone said, "oh, you should just..." DON'T YOU THINK THAT IF I HEARD OF IT I TRIED IT?? You guys know I love to decorate. Well, while I was pregnant with Garrett? Mike's family had to decorate my house for Christmas. It was that bad.

I always made sure when I cleaned the toilets to scrub all around. I have the cleanest porcelain structures known to mankind for that reason. Which is saying something since I'm actually not a great housekeeper. I couldn't cope with looking at a dirty or dusty floor or base while I was puking. I still do that level of bowl care but whenever I kneel beside it to clean, I get taken back hard. It's weird. Something about the cleaning stuff and, well, the position.

It's funny because when I was in the hospital I had this friend visit. I love her and she will say just about anything. She asked me, "So, does having a crappy pregnancy where you puked for 6 months make this seem that much more unfair?" Everyone kind of went (((( ;°Д°)))) but I knew what she meant. And YES. It does make it seem that much more unfair! I'm sure people who had glorious pregnancies feel similarly. But, man. So, yeah. Triggers. At least when I'm feeling funky and flashbacky, the PORCELANCER is there to SAVE THE DAY.

This blog post is for the worldwide event Capture Your Grief in honor of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. 11. Emotional Triggers: What triggers emotions associated with grief for you? Is it the weather? A scent? Photos? Places? Holidays? Words? Certain people?

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