Wednesday, October 23, 2013

CYG, Day 23: Tattoos/Jewelry

I don't have a tattoo, but I do have memorial jewelry. Mike and I both do. I've mentioned a necklace someone sent me that I let Autumn wear when she was having separation anxiety problems after I was out of the hospital. I also have a necklace that Lauren gave me. One disk has Autumn's birthday and initials and the other has Garrett's. For a long time, I wore it every day because I felt like I needed people to know I have 2 kids. I still need that and usually when people ask me if I have just Autumn, I say I have Autumn and a son who passed away. But, I don't wear the necklace like the black mourning arm band anymore. It wasn't anything I did on purpose and I don't feel guilty about tapering off on that particular compulsion, which is good.

Mike had a ring that I gave him. He still has it but it's too big. I think he also wore his ring like a symbol of deep mourning because long after it no longer fit, he'd wrap it in tape so he could wear it. When I ordered the ring, I had all of our initials engraved inside of it with the intention of adding more when we adopted. I'm going to order a new ring for Mike when we do adopt, at Mike's request.

My newest piece of jewelry is a Pandora bracelet. I don't really wear a lot of jewelry. I have my wedding ring and a couple of plain stacking bands I wear in aikido or group ex classes and I wear necklaces when I go to church but that's about it. I never really wanted a charm bracelet but the idea of having charms that mean something started to appeal to me recently. My mom, Donnie, and Liz (my brother and sister in law) gave me the Pandora bracelet last year and I have five charms now. I had a hard time getting a picture and, unfortunately for you, the best one also has my ridiculously beat up hand! Ha!

I didn't love the bunny that Pandora had so I found the cute bunny on Etsy and sent the link to Mike along with a couple of other rabbit beads I liked. He ended up getting me this one for Christmas. It's so sweet. Donnie and Liz got me the next bead and it stands for Inner Strength. How thoughtful was that? I can't remember if I asked for the Happy Little Girl bead or if I got it myself but it is, of course, for Autumn. And, this is fun, it's the same Autumn bead that Nanny, Lainey, and my mom have! It looks just like Autumn did, all roly poly and pigtailed. Sigh. Memories. The next one I got when they gave me the bracelet, it has a blue stone for my birthday in September.

The last bead is for Penny. She bought me a bunny the same time Mike did and told me to trade it for what I wanted. I hadn't gotten her birthday present yet (hers is only a couple of weeks after Christmas) so when I went to the store, I asked if they had any kind of best friend charms because Penny has a charm bracelet, too. AND THEY DID. And the charms were butterflies which is one of the things I associate with Penny. It was meant to be! So, I exchanged mine for one butterfly and got the other side for Penny. I love it!

Looking at what I just wrote, I realize I need a Mike bead! And maybe Molly, haha. I'll have to think about this ahead of Christmas...oh, man, it would be too awesome if someone had Warcraft themed Pandora beads.

This blog post is for the worldwide event Capture Your Grief in honor of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. 23. Tattoos/Jewellery: Do you have a piece of jewellery in memory of your baby? Or maybe a tattoo. Please feel welcome to share links too.

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